"So...part of me wants to help her. Part of me wants to go to her new "home" and do what daughters do for their aging, abandoned mothers. Another part of me does not want to restart this relationship. She can be......so difficult to befriend. I have prayed about it (much of last night) and I know she needs me and God needs me to be there for her, no matter the past. It really doesn't make the task easier, though. *sigh*
I try to comfort myself with the knowledge that God is and will continue to use this situation for His purposes-for BOTH of us. I'm sure my rough edges need the sanding. She needs someone to be there for her, when there seems to be no one. She has 4 biological children. The oldest has been out of state and out of touch for over 10 years. The next to oldest, well.....that's a whole other story, but she's not in the picture much either. My brother is on the east coast and doesn't contact but every year or two (at least that is what my dad gets, if he's lucky). So that leaves me. It seems to be that way with my dad, too, who was diagnosed with dementia in July. He has 2 biological, 2 adopted, and 2 step children. Of them all, I am the only one willing to help. *another sigh*
I have since been in contact with one of my sisters and 2 of my nieces. My 16 year old nephew is in OU Children's Hospital dying from a rare and potent form of leukemia. I say dying b/c I was told Saturday morning that his long term wasn't to be hoped upon.....
There's so much more, but I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted, so I simply don't have the energy to type it all out right now. This is also fair week so we will be EXTREMELY busy and I might be "absent" for the week. Just didn't want anyone to think I fell off the face of the earth. ;0)
Thank you SO VERY much to all who are praying and for all the wonderful words of encouragement....it all means so very much to me. Really, you have no idea how refreshing it is to sit back and realize that my biological family may be the craziest ever, but my family of Christian friends.....there's barely even words to describe the gratitude I have towards you and God for bringing each of you into my life..... I love you all.