Sunday, September 14, 2008

My Heart Condition

I posted recently about the family issues that have arisen. I found out this past week that my nephew was in ICU for a few days. His blood pressure dropped to 70/30. They are controlling it now with a drip, but also think he may have an infection in his heart. They can't do anything invasive right now b/c of his low white cell count.

"Under attack" doesn't begin to describe the status of my life right now. My dad was diagnosed with dementia July 3, a member of my husband's family was diagnosed with diabetes shortly thereafter. All of this with my "prodigal" mother began only a couple weeks ago (if that long). On my birthday some major drama entered my life....which has altered me forever. However, I know that the Lord has it in His hands. I've been reminded of Job in my prayer and weeping over these issues, but am thankful that my immediate family (dh and children) are all well. I am praying a wall of protection around them. Satan must be really scared. I was praying with another and going to make it a regular thing to meet and pray, but Satan attacked that, too.
My mom (step-mom, but mom for all intensive purposes) has injured her back to the point of spending 4 hours in the E.R. yesterday (Saturday).
No matter what, on Christ the SOLID Rock I stand!!! Amazingly, I have an inner peace that shocks even myself. In the midst of the storm, much like the hurricane many have experienced, there is a calm, strong, central Force....Christ our Savior and Lord. Without Him and His grace, I would be lost....I'm scared of where I would be without His loving and tender arms that have held me these past few days and weeks.

There are a couple of songs that the Lord has used to speak to me and soothe my aching heart. He has placed numerous scriptures on my heart reminding me that He's there, He cares, and He is still in control.

2 Tim 1: 7 "He has not given us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, a spirit of love, and soundness of mind."

John 16:33 "I have told you these things, that in me you may have peace. In the world you have oppression, but cheer up! I have overcome the world."

There's a song by Superchick, called "Crawl (Carry Me Through)" and I tried to find it to add to my playlist, but I guess it's not been made available. It is where my heart is at right now, so I thought I would share some of the lyrics....

"How long will this take? How much can I go through?
My heart, my soul aches, I don't know what to do.
I bend but don't break, and somehow I'll get through
'cause I have You....

And if I had to crawl, well You'd crawl too.
I stumble and I fall. Carry me through.
The wonder of it all is You see me through.

Oh, Lord, where are You? Do not forget me here.
I cry in silence. Can you not see my tears?
When all have left me and hope has disappeared
You find me here....

And when I have to crawl, well You crawl too
I stumble and I fall, carry me through.
The wonder of it all is You see me through.

When everything I was is lost, I have forgot but you have not
When I am lost, You have not lost me.
When everything I was is lost, I have forgot but you have not
When I am lost, You have not lost me
You have not lost me.

And if I had to crawl, well You'd crawl, too.
I stumble and I fall, carry me through.
The wonder of it all is You see me through....."

It's beautiful. For those of you with high speed, I found a piece of the song on youtube...

Anyway...when I feel I'm being shredded to bits by the gnashing teeth of vicious wolves, I remember that God my Father and Friend is right beside me, and He knows the truth, and will make it His time. Meanwhile, He rocks me and holds me and "sees me through".....

Job 3:24 "In place of my food I have grief, and cries of sorrow come from me like water..."

Psalm 59:16 "But I will make songs of your power, yes I will give cries of joy for your mercy in the morning; because you have been my strength and my high tower in the day of my trouble."

I have uploaded another song to my playlist called "Irene" by Toby Mac. There are many parts of it that have spoken to me in recent days as well.

"'ve got to reach up to touch rock bottom,
the powers that be keep you down trodden
daughter of Zion, I heard your prayer
just cast your cares and please beware of snakes,
they come in all shapes and sizes
tempt you, put scales on your eyelids
don't waste your sorrows, they give you strength tomorrow
Recovery's about to come soon
Keep your head up, don't you ever let up
The storm will pass; you'll be ready for the next one

Hey little girl with the pressures of the world on your shoulders,
don't say that it's over
I heard your prayers
just cast your cares and I'll be there
so don't you fear..... in Me and I'll give you strength...

....everything's gonna be alright......"

I feel the Lord drawing me close to Him and I know that He is growing me. I see now that I had become too dependent on "man" and was not taking my everyday troubles, issues, and thoughts to Him as I once did. I'm so glad that He has removed the scales from my eyelids that I may see and correct this. I never want to neglect my Lord. I'm trying to stay focused on the fact that He allows these trials as growing experiences and that He loves me. I know that He weeps when I weep, and he feels my pain.

Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Yes....He is and He does.....

I'm clinging to Him and I'll not ever let go. I hope and I pray that I'll never take my eyes off Him again, not for a second!


Anonymous said...

I hear you speaking the truth here about God's goodness and faithfulness, but somehow it seems like such a heavy post. I'm sorry that you're facing a lot of struggles, but you have the right idea. God will grow you. Take care!

Jerri Dalrymple said...

Thank you.....yes, heavy it is I suppose. Things are looking up, though! The sun is shining, I can take a full breath now, and smile at God's mercy! ;0) The fair weather and my kiddos have been lifting my spirits lately!